Casper Candlewacks

Posts Tagged ‘wills ‘n’ kate’

You may remember that I sent a copy of Casper Candlewacks to Wills ‘n’ Kate for their wedding, apologising for stealing their limelight and asking for a knighthood. (If you don’t remember, or if you love clicking links, click HERE).

Well, you’ll be glad to hear that I got a reply! A lovely, typed reply from a woman named Gemma from the office of TRH The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and HRH Prince Henry of Wales. I presume it was dictated by Wills or Kate over Gemma’s shoulder after dinner one evening with a glass of sherry. I imagine they spent a while thinking about how to word this heartfelt note of thanks, how best to ignore the fact that I sort of insulted them and their children and made light of their achievements. Anyway, I’ll copy down what I got below:

Dear Mr. Brett,

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (that’s Wills ‘n’ K8 to us laypeople) have asked me to thank you most sincerely for the book, which you so generously sent (too right it was generous. They cost £5.99 in Waterstones (unless you get them as part of the ’3 for 2′ offer, which is a good deal actually)) to mark the occasion of their Wedding. (Now here’s the first sign that they might not have read my letter. In fact the main reason for my writing was to apologise for my stealing their limelight. Never mind, we’ll let that pass.)

Their Royal Highnesses very much appreciated your incredibly kind thought (Alright Gemma, don’t spread it on too thickly. It’s only a book for goodness’ sake. A sceptic might think you use this exact same letter for every gift no matter how expensive and just pasted in the word ‘chandelier’ or ‘flying car’ or, in my case, ‘book’.) and we were so touched that you took the trouble to send a gift. (Well that’s nice. I made their little royal days, didn’t I!)

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (you could probably get away with ‘they’ by this point) regret that they are unable to respond personally to the many letters and gifts which they have received. (I mean, we’re all busy. I’m nose deep in edits for Casper Candlewacks 3 for goodness’ sake. Now I happen to know that yesterday they attended their FIRST public function since the wedding. Crikey, what a busy month, then.) They would, however, have me send you their warmest thanks and very best wishes.

Yours Sincerely,

Gemma Kaza

Now that is lovely. I feel like I’m basically a member of the royal family now. I’ll pack a little bag and head over to St. James’ palace now. We could have a little slumber party, watch Shrek, eat marshmallows and gossip about girls. Can’t wait!

Anyway, you plebs, I’d better go. You can still ASK CASPER which I’d highly recommend you do, because he won’t reply with an over-appreciative form response which seems laughably out of scale given that you only gave him a book.

Yours sincerely,

HRH The Duke and Duchess of The Mouldy Bit on The Carpet Over There, His Holiness (of the sock) Ivan Brett esq.